I just completed an art work for my new home. Its an old table from my granddads house that was just lying in the garage. The small side table must have been at least 40 years old. What I did was, I sand papered the original paint, painted a new antique turquoise blue on it and rubbed it off for a rustic wood feel. Then I painted on the top of the table. I choose to paint the word SUERTE. Which means lucky.

The end result? Well I cant say, but I am happy with the finished product. Its different, opinionated and just flat out weird. This side table has been turned from a table for my mums cat food to a conversation piece. Its not just the end product that I am happy about,  its how much fun I had planning and executing the small project. Not a lot excites me this days, but this small side table just injected some much needed thrill.

In many ways, this piece is about me. Not everyone will like it, most wont even get it. Some will even ask why did I do such a thing. But to me or through the eyes of people similar to my wavelength, it’s the what the table represents. The journey and the statement, the design and the choices that was made. Not just the slightly off putting color.

But then again, not everyone really gets me anyway. My humor can sometime only humor me. I guess im ok with that. Like the tables new paint job, I cant do beautiful, I can only do me. And I never claim to be any such thing of beauty. Just a work in progress.

 

So now the table will find a new home in mine and will state an opinion that I would like to share to whomever cares to understand. It provokes, probes and might even disgust, but it screams with its simplicity and cant be confused with any other tables living or dead.

So now I have completed one, I hope I will find inspiration to do another soon. Its very therapeutic I tell u!

Last night I bid farewell to a very good friend. A friend that has been nothing but loyal to me for the pass 6 years. A friend that has brought me places and sheltered me from the elements. The friend was my car.

 

I got my JJF when my parents were away for Umrah some 6 years ago. It was the first batch of MyVi cars. It was parked at my porch for about 3 weeks as I wanted a Johore plate number and the current running number then was JJE. So I waited 3 weeks to get JJF.

 

During that time in my life, I was an Exec in Sime UEP. My brother was not yet married and I was with RZ. Now, I am a Manager still in Sime, my brother is expecting his second child. To say a lot has changed when I first got my car to now would be a huge understatement.

When my brother called me to tell me that he is picking up my car to trade it in, I duly took the biggest reusable bag I could find to unload all my stuff in the car. That was when it hit me, I will never be in my JJF ever again. As I cleared all my CDs, various name cards, loose change, old sunglasses and totally random stuff like a coffee mug, I started to feel kinda sad. Then I took off the car stickers and lastly I took off the tasbih that was given to me from my centre rear view mirror.

 

My brother then proceeded to take my car keys and drove off. I wanted to waive to my car as it sped off but thought it was kinda silly to wave to a machine. But like my friend said, sometimes certain things that are close to you becomes bernyawa.

I was asked if I would want to retain the JJF number to my new car. I did think about it but then I think that MyVi’s name is JJF. I cant take someone’s name and put it on another person rendering the car ‘nameless’. And the new car would need a new name anyway.

 

So I’m writing this to my old car, to thank it for being with me through thick and thin. Seen me sing my heart out, curse in traffic, gossip while on the phone, argue with Police Officers, eat drive through food, rush to events, drive me to work everyday, the first person to see me after I’ve broken up, sent me to the hospital, sent my x boss to the emergency ward! And seen me laugh and cry.

Thank you. And I’m sure that who ever gets to be your new friend, he or she will feel the warmth and dedication to service that you have given me.

 

And to my new friend, JNJ, lets rock and roll!

 

 

After having been lucky to be employed almost right after college, I can say that I have been a rat racer for the past 9 years. Been in the same company for the past 8. I have learned a lot and I would like to share what I do know here with you.

If there is anything that I would tell my self 9 years ago is this :-

1)      Never work for your boss.

Yes, your boss does make or break your job. But your boss is not the boss of you altogether. Your job is. Your boss is your job. Do your job well and manage your duties implacably. Everything else is secondary. If your boss is your job, it will make you more ikhlas in what you do. If you're just doing it for your boss then your expectations and quality of work will change. If you are at a place where politics/ass sucking is more important than work, leave and get a new job. Nuff said.

 

2)      Take pride in your work but never work for pride.

Once you excel in your work, be proud of it. Be humble and pat yourself on the back about how good you executed that last project . Don't wait for your boss or your company to reward you for it, although they should, you should not depend on that (refer to my previous point)

 

3)      Never ever work for money.

Yes, money is the main reason we all work, but it's should never been the sole reason we work. If you are the type of person who will only work for more money then sorry to say you have just sold your soul to the conglomerate devil himself. Successful people never kawtaw to anyone or any amount of money. Only with an honest heart, hard work and professionalism will you succeed . Money is never enough. Never. From 3k you will want 4k, then 5k then 6,7,8,9, it will never stop. But will all that money really get you want everyone needs in this world? Love and happiness.  What is better than a great paying job with a high post? A great paying job with a high post that your are content with. If your god is the green than you will always be a rat in a wheel. You run faster and faster, but in fact you are only going no where faster and faster. Just work hard and play fair, the money will come. Remember there is always a higher power than your board of directors.

 

So in short, be ikhlas in all that we do. As humans we are easily distracted and fooled by all things material and ego.  Think of it this way, a person that works for money will drive a big car, but a person who works for himself will drive his dream car. The later might take a bit longer but his story has more heart and soul and cant be touched.

With that, have a blessed ramadhan people.

I just wanna share a lil bit of information, and insight if you will. Something that i have learned from years of doing events. Something that may help us all.

How to get someone a great gift.

Firstly, buying someone a gift is a form of communicating. It's passing a person you hold dear (or just have to suck up/be nice to) a symbol of how you feel about him or her during that particular moment or event. So just like feelings and emotions, it should not be itemized by dollars and cents. Yes, having more money would enable you to buy bigger or more expensive gifts. But, ,money could also work against the objective. Do you want your girlfriend to like the thoughts and emotions attached to the gift or just love the brand? Never let a brand overpower your sentiments of the gift.

Spend thoughts instead. Understand what she likes. What kind of person she is. You don't have to go to deep in her persona, just understand if she is sporty, or girlish, romantic or old school. Tip: try describing her in 5 words or less. Should have a better understanding of the kinda gal your dealing with.

3rd. Get inside information if you can. Bestfriend, lil sis, heck, with FB everything is exposed online. Find out what she usually does, where seh hangs out, how she dresses, who her friends are and it will give you some idea.

4th.And i cant stress this enough. Buying a gift for someone isn't about the buyer. Yes, you read it right, it's not about YOU. It's about her. So if you think buying something from Memory Lane cause its convenience, then you are buying for your own ease. Might as well as get her a voucher at Parkson or cash. Since dah malas nak pikir kan.

When buying a gift, the buyers 2nd most obvious mistake is thinking that the receiver will like it because (fill in the blanks) For example, sure dia suka benda ni cause its cute/sweet/funny/everyone likes it. Tip: Never EVER buy something funny or novelty in nature. NEVEEERRRRRRRRR.

In short. When buying something, be ikhlas. Cari something yang fits in your budget and is useful and memorable to the person. Remember we are buying for someone, not for us. More common sense less syok sendiri.

There is no one gift that fits us all. But the best gifts has one thing in common, it has a lot of thought and effort put into it hence making it the best gift a person could get.

Happy shopping!

Oh btw, im in for sustainability and all that, but unless you are Martha Steward or Giorgio Armani  DON'T make the present by your self. Cards or gift boxes are a nice touch to be handmade but never a gift. EVER!

What it means to be 30. By Firdaus Shah.

I have been meaning to write about this for some time now. Just haven’t found the right time to do so. So tonight, as I am having an unwanted night off from my fruit heart, I figured I might as well use this time to write. Having turned 3-0 last June, I have had somewhat of a mini self discovery. As many who turns the corner, I had my share of being sacred of the unknown. I had no idea of what being 3-0 meant. Heck, I was still finding my self in the entire decade of being in my 20’s and now this?

So after the official age turning event (which was awesome by the way) I just continued living as in did the past 30 years not really feeling much change. Yes, I cringed a couple of times when I had to disclose my age to people but I guess that is pretty normal the first few months of any new birthday. Then raya came and then my relationship started to crumble. Usually I would have made the 1^st move and leave on the first sight of trouble, but this time around I stuck it out. Although I knew the relationship was ending its tenure, I stayed. In fact when my now X started to show signs of backing out, I stood still and didn’t make a move. Then it happened. I was summoned for ‘the talk’. As a person who has never got dumped or broken up with, I was perfectly fine with this. But to set the record straight I did nit get dumped la, we agreed that the relationship has run its course and it time for the both of us to move on.  

Later that year I started dating again. Nothing new in my endless search of finding relationship Nirvana. (if my relationship were a hindu, I would have been reincarnated so many times I could have been turned into a toilet seat in the next cycle!)  Instead of running out for a dating spree, I choose a more subdued approach by selectively choosing people that genuinely sparked my interest.

Bad move, cause they were none.

Accept for 2.

The diff between these 2 and the many others that have crossed my path was, I was much more relaxed and in control. One of them, lets call this person X,  I never did officially meet. Another, we call this Z, was met several times but it went platonic cause I let it be that way.  I guess I learned to better read my self when im not ready for a relationship.

Besides relationship, I also saw some changes in the way I work.

I used to be held captive by the comfort zone. No other company will ever match what I am with now. People have tried but I never did budge. Now, I find my self looking at other pastures and seriously thinking of options. Im not saying I will leave , but I know that I am ready for change. In a big way.

So I guess what being 30 to me is the fact that I can be my self, know my self and not let my self stop me from having my fullest potential unleashed.  The self confidence to just turn to the haters, wannabes, rempits, prentetious poyos, melayu kg and all other negative what-have-you and smile. Knowing that im glad I turned out to be what I am today. The fact is although I need what I have around me, I can also live without most of them if the need be. In short, turning 30, made me grow a pair J

No more dating losers.

No more being bullied.

No more running away from shadows.

No more being taken for a ride.

No more being stupid for love, or worse for someone who you think you love.

No more caring if people think you are no good cause your worth was never in their judgment anyway.

No more spending time trying to impress people who don’t matter.

No more self abuse.

Now, if only someone would have thought me all this when I was 25, I would have been a much happier man.

You can tell a lot from a person from the way he travels. Just as how u can tell a lot from how a person decorates his house, u can a lot have great insight to a persons psyche through the kind of traveler he is. It’s a micro sample on how he will treat the longer journey which is life. Cause isn’t life just a long journey anyway?

 

I can only judge my self and a few close friends since I haven’t traveled much and I have traveled even less with people besides my family. A traveler will travel based on the things he likes. If one person likes museums and history, he will plan his time to make sure he visits the important monuments and centres where he can see and learn about the place he is visiting. If he likes food, he will try various kinds of local delicacies, you get my point la kan.

 

But even before the traveler sets foot on the new location, we can tell a lot from how he prepares for the trip. Is he rigid about time management, is he careful with money, is he anal about security, does he overpack? All characteristics that I am sure we all are aware of and have indented in us. When he travels, does he have to fly First Class? Does he care if its budget or full fleet? And another thing I have noticed, people don’t dress up to go on flights as they use to. As I was fortunate to start flying as early as 3, I have noticed the change in how people are flying. I used to be schooled by my dad if I chose to wear jeans on a flight. I thought it was because we were flying Business Class (don’t jeles aa) but it was just back then people took pride in being able to fly. It was a privilege and as such one should treat it like an honor to be flying. So I always had to at least wear button up shirts or a jacket when I flew with my dad. Which was often. So u can say when it comes to flying, I’m old school when it comes to on flight attire.

 

Upon reaching a destination, my favorite thing to do is flirt a bit with the immigration, hahahaha. Slutty but true. The person at the counter will be the first local you will be conversing with. So it’s important for me to make sure that 1^st person is cute and I am cute as well. (try looking cute after a long flight ok?) Then I like it when the door slides open and the gush or air just overwhelms you. Ur skin tingles while adjusting to the new climate (which is why I don’t dot South East Asian countries due to the fact the weather is the same) Then u breathe in the air and u know u have arrived. New world, new language (or at least new accent) new air = new possibilities!

 

The ride to town or where you will be staying for the next couple of days is exhilarating for me. My brain will be on full alert as if I need to remember all the roads from the airport to town. I will read sign boards and advert boards much to my glee. I will look at other drivers and their passengers. Car plate numbers and car makes. Oh such fun! I guess this is my 1^st feeble attempt to assimilate to the local scene. I hate being called a tourist, so I look at things some people think mundane and not so photo worthy.

 

Then comes the food. Which is the best way u can learn about the locals and your self. Are you adventurous? Would u like to see what the locals eat or would you stick to what is safe like, McDonalds or do u have the urge to find rice?

 

I always like markets and places where locals hang out. Small cafes in the suburbs are best for this. I don’t mind getting lost on my travels. Each wrong turn just gives u another chance to learn something new.

How do u shop? Do you buy stuff for other people and do other people back home expect things from you even if it’s something gimmicky that was made in china? Or do you even bother?

 

Maybe that’s why I don’t take that many photos when I travel, im to busy capturing images in my head and not too bothered to save em in a memory card. I think after the death of film, we take digital photography for granted in a way.

 

The best part about traveling is not thinking about home. Its’ escapism as a reality. Almost addictive actually. The irony of a holiday is you tend to wake up much earlier and sleep in late. Kiasu, but no one ever said a holiday was to physically relax did they?

 

Last but not least, I must say that my time in Australia was awesome and the highlight of my year. I learned a lot about people, my self and life. It might have just been 8 days, but I underestimated Australia. Having been very transfixed with Europe and Stateside I never gave the land down under much thought even after going there twice before. I guess it was love at 3^rd sight.

 

That is my tale on how I ended and started a year with an amazing high. It will be hard to keep up with and but its only uphill from here baby.

 

To all my friends, readers and loved ones, I wish you all the success in the path of seeking true love. Be it love in work, family and other mammals. Lol.

 

What is my new year’s resolution?

 

To make my mark. Haven’t worked out the details yet but it has a nice ring to it no?

 

Have a good one peeps.

 

To look at 2010, u have to first have guts of steel. It can be dizzying and even gag inducing. Not in a vomit kinda way. Its more like sitting at the back of a van and trying to solve a puzzle while in motion. Basically 2010 can give you major car sickness.

The year has been a bumpy ride for me and a few of my closest friends. From personal life to work and finance as well as love and relationships. As I always live vicariously through people I hold dear to me, I have a more macro feel on how 2010 has been for this number of people.

First of all lets look at what happened in the world. Many disasters, 20 earthquakes, volcanoes and hurricanes has destroyed lives and broke down countries. Good and evil had a fair share of battles such as the avenger ships to Palestine and the recent on going in Korean peninsula. And there is Wikileaks, Greece financial crisis and the  Dubai property bubble burst. You cant say that 2010 was a boring year.

Closer to home, the year started on a high. Literally. We ushered the new year at the summit on Genting Highland. Little did we know, it was all downhill from there. One after another calamity happened. Relationships went all awry, work became a chore and life was just uninspiring. The days started to seem very long and tiring. And I started to wonder if it has to do with turning 30?

Turning that corner is almost all its hyped up to be. I have seen some changes in the way I handle my self and manage people’s perception of me. I think I also did a rather good job at my new years resolution J.

But, the year didn’t totally suck la. It had its moments. The LPGA event was awesome. 3 months of blood sweat and tears did teach me a lot of new things. And I met a lot of new people during it too. *teringat lanyard Rolex*

On the personal front I ended a nearly year long relationship and started the back to black process. I went on a few dates and as of now still in the process of understanding what I want. I got my self super expensive glasses (which appeared in Paris Vogue!) super expensive sport shoes and my diamond ring to commemorate my 30^th birthday. Oh and I bought a house as well.

Maybe I didn’t do too bad at all huh?

So 2010 is indeed memorable, it has more lows than highs but it has been a year of schooling as well. Major disappointments? Just one. Didn’t get the scholarship. That kinda crushed us. Me and my ego.

But, not all is lost there is still time for 2010 to redeem its self, staying true to the theme of blind faith, I have one more suspenseful moment to jump over. Tired as I am, I have to jump one last time. So see me after the final hurdle, please?

What has 2010 thought you?

It ‘s coming to an end, this 2010 business.  I have started my ritual on looking back at the year and figuring out what it all meant.  I always to this, analyze and try make sense of it all, like a Renoir painting, life needs to be looked at from a slight distance sometimes then only it starts to make sense.

What has changed?

Not much. Work and play like I did the past couple of years. I expected the big 3-0 to have more color, but all I have seen so far are shades of grey and hues of white.

What do you regret?

I regret not having regrets. Which mean I didn’t take chances. Just caught up in my comfort zone again.

What about the sweet talker?

It was good to have had that chapter in my life. Brief as it was, I found out that I can feel and I can hurt which also means I can love. So all wasn’t lost there.

What about the writer?

The writers’ role in my life has not been clear yet. Just like Gollum in the first part of LOTR, only Gandalf can see that Gollum will play a pivotal role in the story. But Frodo is irritated by his mere presence and Sam just doesn’t trust him. I kinda have a bit of Gandalf and Sam in me.

What about your kitchen?

Well, I have a big sprawling kitchen in me, somewhere. But hasn’t been used in a long time therefore I keep looking for other people to give me food, sustenance. Now that I know I have a kitchen, I just need to clean the dust up, start getting some groceries and make my own food. The kind of food I want to eat, not just scraps and leftovers.

What about Sydney?

I surprised im not as excited as I should be about it. I know it will be fun, its exactly what I need. But I dunno why im not psyched up. Maybe come next week I will be.

What about 2011?

CHANGE. That would be the caption. Change of job, change of house, change of pov, change of heart, change of seeing things or seeing me altogether.  I have a lot to do, so im gonna start the year running after it. I need focus again, I need to work from the inside out. Find the switch to light up my bones. Quit depending on relationships to find happiness. Quit whining about how unfair life is. Start whipping my ass and chasing life. Get out of my comfort zone.

But how?

I don’t know just yet. But I know I have to figure it out soon so help me god. But im good at finding solutions, god has created me as a problem solver and i will seek His guidance and for Him to inspire me. Amin

So for now. All I need to do, is ride the year out. It doesn’t matter, let go of what 2010 has brought forward in my face. If it happened in 2010, most likely it was suppose to stay in 2010.

 

This letter is to you.

I wanted to try do this face to face but since that will almost definitely never happen, I should not let that stop me from expressing what I feel at this moment.

When you first made contact I was a bit skeptical of your intentions, but some how your unjadded humor and melayu gatal just melted away the ice wall. It was funny, weird yet somehow comforting. When I first saw you I felt a connection but it is Fid we are talking about and ‘connections’ are always confused.

So move forward to the 4^th week, I am now reduced to a day a text. Or in todays case not a single text. I know you have to move away, I know you have a great and extremely busy and tiring career that you have to have to focus on, but I felt a bit led on. Why did u even bother with me?

I am not angry, just a tad frustrated with what little ray of light there was. Never promise light to the darkness, you never know what you will awaken.

So today, at this exact moment, I can only go with the flow, I dare not ask your intentions nor pull you to me as I have no clue what so ever about you. All I know is when we talked over the phone, I sensed some honesty coupled with a fear I know way to well.

So my dear, I wish you all the best. May you find the career up north rewarding and may you find what you truly seek. Just like an interesting  book that I cant read at this moment, I will fold the page albeit it was just the 3^rd page, close the book and place on my shelf.

Maybe this blog entry just like the book will be revisited. If not, I have another paperweight to place on my dusty mantel.

Since I was 18 until now, I have had 9 serious relationships. (by serious I mean it was 2 way and lasted more than 2 weeks) I had 2 major crushes one of which is still burning. Never got dumped and  dated enough people to start my own Asian games.

I have had so many relationships that I remember significant dates in my past with which person I was with. Like if you asked me what was I doing when I saw the planes crash into WTC, I would tell you not only what I was doing that exact moment (makan nasi ladna in Sedang with Dino) but also who I was with at that period of time. So much so, I took on a challenge from my friends to remain single for one year. Which I did. But by right I kinda failed, cause I had someone with my midway through.

So now after the ninth failed relationship which lasted a good year, I cant help but wonder what the fuck is wrong with me?  If I love relationships so much why cant I sustain them? I am just not able to settle down or am I destined to sew wild oats till my I cant bloody sew no more?

And what pisses me off is right after the ninth (I like saying ninth) doomed relationship, I moved on to the next one as soon as I can. Well im not really IN a relationship now la but my point is I moved on pretty darn quick.

You see I like being in a relationship. Im just a giver, and I am good at it as well. Nothing pleasures me more than knowing I have made my partner happy. NZ said that im not a romantic, I agreed with that notion for a it but then when I looked back, its not that im unromantic, its just im not typically romantic. Being in a relationship to me makes me feel a sense of purpose, gives me a mission or and a motivation. I just want to love. I want to care. I want to spend my time and energy on someone. I need to create a nest.

The road to hell is filled with good intentions.

Love is subjective, no one relationship is the same. S if I was in 9 relationships, I have uncovered 9 different types of me, no? And yet im still clueless.

Ugh, now im not making sense.

Im just trying to sort out the tangled line of thought I have halfway from my heart to my head. If only I can feel my way through or at least see where I want t go perhaps this all will make more sense. In the meantime, I shall admit that im one big confused pisser that has seen it all done it all yet doesn’t know shit about shit.

I was never the one who was afraid to be dumb.

*right after this blog was posted, the possible new chapter of my life texted to say goodnite, what has I gotten my self into. AGAIN. God help me*